Talking to a friend recently, he told me that one of his wealthy buddies, divorced for the fourth time, was simplifying his life.
I immediately pictured a man cleaning up his act, eating lean meat and more vegetables, maybe hitting the gym a few more times a week.
“He sold his plane and his boat,” my friend confided, “and he’s having sex with prostitutes.”
Before I could think of a suitable rejoinder, my friend chuckled and said, “He has a new motto in life: if it flies, floats, or f$@&#s – rent it.”
Typically tongue-tied, I managed to grimace and flee from the conversation, but here are my witty and clever retorts, over twenty-four hours later. Which one should I have used? Can you think of something better?
a. I’m going to cross-stitch that onto a pillow.
b. Impressive alliteration. Is your friend a writer?
c. With that financial acumen, he should be selling Ponzi schemes.
d. If he buys, rents or rapes to f$@&#, ARREST him because it’s ILLEGAL.
KIMBERLY SAVAGE 